The Same Tired Points, Again And Again

A meta-reflection about all the discussions I’ve been having and a handy list to use in the future.

I often have to make the same basic points in discussions. I’m putting them down here and in future, I’ll simply link to the relevant one. As I write a lot about gender, that’s the examples I’ll be giving, but the points are more generally applicable.

Reading the whole thing in one go will sound pretty negative, I warn you. That’s not the point, this is reference material to be used in parts at the right time. I just need to publish it at some point.

This is and will continue to be a work in progress, and is a bit rought around the edges. Feedback welcome.

1. The world is not black and white

Are men changing, or are they not changing? Do the feminists care about men or do they not? Is the current heterosexual dating crisis men’s fault or women’s fault?

These are all daft questions. The answer is always: the world is more complicated than that.

Likewise, when I say I don’t think that something is entirely right, it doesn’t mean I hold the complete opposite position.

For example, the fact that I criticise men on specific points does not mean that I hate men and am a feminist lackey. Neither does the fact that I criticise feminists on specific points mean I hate feminists and am an apologist of the patriarchy. There is a range of options in between. I can agree with some aspects but not others. I can think there is a positive but also a negative side.

Black-and-white thinking is a sign of intellectual laziness and a primary tool of populist manipulation.

2. We can do more than one thing at once

It is perfectly possible to acknowledge that there are many problems women face and work to fix them, AND ALSO there are other problems men face that also need fixing. Accepting one does not require you to deny the other.

Fixing problems is not a zero-sum game. There is no need to feel threatened or say things such as: Oh boo-hoo, you struggle with X? Well, we struggle with Y! We…